This time in quarantine has allowed me to think deeply about my goals and where I want to go. Previously I have felt that I was working so much, but getting no where. I told myself that this was a common thing for someone working towards a job in the film industry, but I wasn’t happy just accepting that. I knew this journey would be full of ups and downs, but something did not feel right. I did not feel like me and my happy self. I mean, I wasn’t sad, but I was doing so much work helping me get to a career that I love and I was not happy. So I knew something needed to change.
I reevaluated my goals. Took a break and thought to myself, “What is making you unhappy?” I realized it was because I was doing too much. I was trying to learn how to be an expert director, writer, actor, filmmaker, editor, cinematographer, producer, all while being an intern and a student at the same time. I was always doing something and rushing to do the next thing that I did not have time to appreciate and enjoy what I was doing at any given moment. So what would I do next? I am a natural hard worker, so getting myself to slow down was a process, but I needed a plan. If doing too much made me feel like this, the obvious solution was to do less. But, “I want to work towards my dream,” I thought. I was ok with this period of unease if it meant that I was working for something that I truly care about. So I thought and I thought, and soon I realized some things.
- If I continue to work too hard without breaks, I will continue to get more and more tired and unhappy.
- If I continue to try to learn too many things at once, I will be mediocre at a lot of things and not great at any.
- If I focused on one thing, I could be great at it, but it would mean I need to take a break from some other things.
- If I take a break from working on something, that doesn’t mean I can’t go back to it when I am ready.
Thus, I came to the conclusion that my true love is writing. I love stories, telling them, creating them. That is why I love acting, directing, editing, producing, because I love telling stories. So it made sense to choose to focus on what I love, story-telling.
I decided to focus on writing, specifically screen-writing, and sometimes poem writing, with the goal of having fun while getting better at my craft. Later, I can get better at directing, acting, producing, but for now I am going to work on being the best writer I can be. Once I made that decision, the clouds started to clear. At first it made me so nervous to take a break from learning everything and anything about film, but I think a part of me knew that if I want to make this a career, I need to have a smart plan. And throwing a lot of sloppy cupcakes at a wall and hoping that they all will stick was not working. I needed to carefully and delicately make, cook and decorate one cupcake, make it incredible and then I could work on another cupcake, instead of trying to learn the recipe to so many different cupcakes all at once. Baking metaphors, I like it. Very suitable for this quarantine life.
I just wanted to write this post to show people how plans can change and you can choose to reroute and continue. Sometimes when you run into a problem, it can be easy to abandon your path and hop on someone else’s. But maybe taking a step back and looking at it from a different perspective can save you a lifetime of regret. Stick to the goal, just change your plan and keep going.
Keep going in the view of discomfort and unease. Think about what is making you feel that way, how you can move around it. And remember that a small change here and there can add up to a huge change everywhere. Did I just make that saying up? Yes. Does that mean that it isn’t true? No. See, that’s the beauty of art. People can interpret it different ways and none of them are wrong. Unless you’re an English teacher, then you most likely think that there is a right and wrong way to interpret art. In this case, I highly disagree.
To dreams and working hard,
P.S. Comment your biggest goal in the comments so I can cheer you on!
Here is a word search I made to help encourage positive thoughts. 🙂
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